This is the place to find out what new and exciting events are unfolding in the life and times of Je Kemp.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Yard Sales,
a lesson in commerce? Or just a hassle?

Alright, now that things are rolling along here at the Blog, I guess I better start with the news of the day but since the larger News gathering organizations seem to have all of the major issues of the day all wrapped up I will move on to a petty complaint of my own. The Atlanta Journal Constitution charges $70.00 to post a 4 line yard sale announcement. I find this to be ridiculous as I was not even expecting to generate $70.00 of sales in my haphazardly-planned yard sale. I am glad that I don't subscribe. No one likes a monopoly of the press. I have also discovered that the Creative Loafing prices for posting a yard sale notice are much lower but do aging hipsters pry themselves out of bed early Saturday mornings in search of useless tchotkes and other assorted bric-a-brac?
I find that to be doubtful at best...
Ok, back to the facts, Yard sale madness is upon me. I will be needing to purchase a permit from the city in order to keep the local police from throwing me into the clink for hosting an underground yard sale not to mention that the city of Hapeville will only grant two yard sale permits per year to homeowners. I thought this to be a bit odd at first but I figure it is nothing but an attempt to keep the citizens of this fair city from quitting their day jobs and becoming full-time junk peddlers from the comfort of their own homes. Yes, another dream thwarted by the local government.

I went down into the grotto that serves as my basement to look for items that may or may not sell at my yard sale and much to my horror and disgust I found a number of rat carcasses in various states of decomposition. The largest of the stinking husks had yielded quite a number of blow fly cocoons. I did not find this to be the best of discoveries since I had originally gone down there to look for things to sell not to set up a temporary crematory. A few of these annoying flies were already buzzing about the corpse as I huddled over it contemplating as to what I should do. A few minutes later, with my Mapp gas torch in hand I was burning out the scene with horrific results. The brown pupae never knew what hit them, one minute, passing the time before the emergence of new fly life, then the unspeakable, unimaginable heat bearing down upon them expanding and evaporating the bodily fluid resulting in a culmination of explosive destruction.

Please note- The smell of burning rodent flesh is truly an awful thing, it lingers and lingers. Having that smell in your house is never a good thing. Next time, I will be sure to take my handiwork outside...

back to my yard sale. What do I have? A quick survey of the basement led me to the conclusion that I have a bunch of useless garbage aside from my collection of vintage apple & Atari computers that no one wants including myself but am too attached to them to ever dream of letting them go. I do have an original unopened can of Budweiser light from the first batch in 1982 that might catch a decent price in an online auction. Old clothes from my thrift store/eurotrash/military surplus days, lead based paint, archaic kitchen tools of questionable origin. Other yard sales have neat things like old books,records, Loretta Lynn collectible plates, and vintage hand tools. These things won't be found at my yard sale...
Not that I don't have thousands of records....The question is, who is looking for trance records from the early nineties?


With any luck, some money may well just be made on this little venture but then again, maybe not...

No comments: