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Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I had an interesting idea the other day, why do I need to be living in poverty here in Atlanta when I can live in poverty in pretty much any other city in the world?

What is it that I find so appealing about being poor in this city? Is it the fact that I am a minority here?
Is it that I enjoy having to drive to get anywhere and everywhere?

A coworker of mine asked me the other day as to why I have not transferred to another department and that sparked in my feeble mind a running count of reasons/excuses as to why my corporate career here at CNN has stagnated. I have many theories but the main force keeping me where I sit is that no one from HR or other departments contact me when I send out a resume. Its like sending your data into a black hole.

Another reason could be the fear of being laid off. This irrational fear has been with me since the last time it happened. I know I should be afraid, the last time I was laid off, I was nearly rendered homeless and I do not want to end up roaming around this city aimlessly looking through trash bins for my next meal. I am quite sure, that I could not tolerate being homeless. I would probably just try to leave the country if that were to happen, there is work to be had out there, somewhere anyways.

Atlanta is a really strange place for me to live, despite having been spent the bulk of my life within the confines of the metro area, I have few true friends and my attempts at friendship with new people over the past several years have just turned out sour. I never feel like I fit in and this is not just in my head, I am certain of that. Despite my efforts to extend the olive branch of friendship, I often discover in the end that I am just not welcome. It amazes me that some people I know who in the past few years made Atlanta their home and then find themselves moving up into some great occupations or sideline jobs and of course, meeting all of the "right" people and thus being invited to all the "right" parties and gatherings.

I have not reached the point when I discard the hopes and dreams of my life and sink into the depression of a failed middle-aged life. I know in my heart that Atlanta is just not the place for me. The problem is, where is the right place for me to realize my ambitions?

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